My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
