Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
