I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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