i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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