Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
