Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Farmville is her only friend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize