I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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