Your face is a jimmy john
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
