2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
