when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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