dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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