Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
