We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
