Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
