Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
