go do what you do best...puke behind churches
kristin has been a bad kristin
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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