You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
