Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
