New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
