Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it because I queefed?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
