I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize