shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize