she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
