This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
