I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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