good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
