I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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