Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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