It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
