bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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