I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
