bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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