when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
