Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
