Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
