If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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