Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
