he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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