I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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