Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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