I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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