Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
