It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
