He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he was CRYING into my vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize