Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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