walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
