worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
