We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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