I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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