Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
