you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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