I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
