i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
