apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
