From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
