apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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