Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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