Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
