Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize