I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
