just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
