But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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