You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize