didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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