Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
