don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
