he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize