Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
