it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
