He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize