420 ftw
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
