idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
