Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
