Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
