Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
