My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
