and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
