Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
