**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You left your phone here
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