I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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