Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I understand Curling. That high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need to align my fucking chakras
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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