Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize