I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
