go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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